6.13.2008

My vow of abstinence

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to take a vow: to never go online after I put the kids to bed. I have found that too many nights are spent randomly blogreading, occasionally blogwriting, hyper-traveling through netspace when, in fact, I should be asleep. Since discovering the (very real, at least for me) lack-of-sleep/depression link, I have been trying to do better at getting 7-8 hours a night--and since we're up with the kids every morning at 6:30, latest, that means shutting my eyes by 10:30. Not easy to do, when they are often not really asleep until after 9.

This has been, overall, great. More reading time, more sleeping time, better mood. But...I've been a pretty irregular blogger during this time, too. And I am, in general, struggling with organizing my time now that the Babe has a regular school schedule, the Au Pair has a regular school schedule, and I...I still have five million things I'd like to do, a few that I must, and blocks of time that feel long on paper but somehow evaporate before me.

The H and I had a bit of a set-t0 this week: he was in a funk, and I finally sat him down and said some version of: "I can tell you're trying really hard not to lose your temper with me, but it's clear that you're angry and irritated with me, so--what's up?" (I thought this was a very mature and diplomatic way to confront my growing irritation with his irritation.) His response was that I was taking on too much--the chickens! the (sorry attempt at a) vegetable garden!--and other things (the decluttering of our home) were falling by the wayside. Now, whether or not or home is in fact messy is a matter of debate and opinion. Some say no, others would agree with him. My first reaction was an angry one--"you don't want me to have anything that's just for me--you want me taking care of you all the time"-- and there's probably some truth to the latter part of that statement, though not the former. But then it made me think about what I am taking on, and what my time goes towards. I don't think I have too much on my plate, but rather that I let the wrong things absorb too much of my time because I don't have a structure for getting them done. Freedom Filer and Nozbe, as wonderful as they are, can't plant my ass in my desk chair and write the checks for me when it's time to pay the bills. I have to impose structure upon my own cobwebby brain, and this is a challenge. Hence, the no 'net night rule, which I am hoping will keep me from spinning off into endless (and endlessly fascinating) hyperlink journeys which, though fun, are somewhat fruitless...stay tuned.

4 comments:

rebecca said...

Damn that Freedom Filer and Nozbe! Why CAN'T they do our work for us?!

I've stopped internetting at night, too, but now I lie in bed and read before falling asleep at 9:30. I have a husband who gets up at 4:30 -- while I sleep until, dare I say it, 7! Good lord, that is nine and a half hours of sleep, and it still takes two little girls pulling on me to get out of bed! Frankly I blame the meds.

Let's face it, we're all trying to do too much. Remember when all you were expected to do in the summer was sit on the porch and fan yourself, occasionally yell at one of the kids to bring you another Pabst? What happened to those days?

Chloe said...

I love to stay up late (as you know) and surf the net while watching late night tv but a thoughtless person has changed my work schedule to 8 to 5 every day so I (a late night reader, tv watcher and net surfer - so due to my new schedule I have to go to bed early to get up by six - I'm sending you a lot of sympsthy -- Meema

Jess Riley said...

I'm doing some of that blog surfing right now.

Also, how much do I LOVE that you raise chickens, write, and garden?!?! If not for local city ordinances, I'd totally get a coop.

Margaret said...

I am really moved by your post, more than you can know, and though I have no H and no Babe (and no chickens as you have pointed out repeatedly) it still rings so true. The whole last year for me, preparing to leave my job and ready my home and so on, has been all about this. Hopeful news: I now do the bills weekly and tidy up daily (without help from groovy software apps, even). This is a really important subject for all of us, esp women, right now. Wish we were in the same room and could delve deeper (while we cleaned closets and drawers, of course).