Tuesday Meld

I am all betwixt and between today. Our new au pair, the lovely Swiss, arrived on Thursday. She couldn't make a better first impression. The kids adore her, fight over her, won't leave her alone. Meanwhile, my terror that she will implode from bucolic boredeom is manifesting by giving me the most intense feelings I've yet had that this has all been a terrible, disastrous, ill-considered, cliff-jumping, um, mistake. "This" being the family rural relocation, of course.

Mind you, I don't really think we've done the wrong thing--it's great here. (Fall, anyone? It is truly divine.) We are finally making real friends. Dido loves his school so much we wonder what the heck was the matter with the old one. The Babe is, well, The Babe--demanding, opinionated, prone to screaming temper tantrums, preferably in restaurants, and so obscenely cute that we forgive her all of it. The H is happier than I think I have ever seen him--calm, less moody (really! LESS MOODY!), loving and focused on his work. And I--I feel like the same disorganized flake I was before. Aha. My old shrink warned me about this. She told me when I announced our plans that she thought I was just changing venue in the hope of escaping the bag of flabby demons I have slung over my shoulder at any given time. I feel like Anne LaMott trying to write her school report, before her dad gave her (and she internalized) the "bird by bird" advice.

Any advice out there for me?


Alto2 said...

It's only going to get worse as winter sets in. So, make good use of the Swiss Miss, and get back to your avocation.

Harsh words, I know, but BTDT. My thing is singing, so the community chorale saved my sanity. That, and cable television. So, your blogs await as do your faithful readers. Write something everyday. Every day, dammit!! It will help. I promise.

rebecca said...

Turd by turd, buddy. Just take it turd by turd.

Now, the potty mouth really adds nothing, does it?

Do what I did: WRITE A BOOK. Seriously. I'll show you the best and most loveliest cozy writing spots. The fave in the dead of winter last year was Kripalu, where I would do yoga and HOT SOAKS IN THEIR GIANT WHIRLPOOL between sentences. Not kidding!

We'll get you up on skis, too. And you seem to be a far greater appreciator of the beauties of rural life than I ever was, so you've got that going for you.

The pressure's on when those au pairs show up to take everything off your hands, ain't it?

You'll do fine.

Anonymous said...

Too soon to tell. I'd ride the roller coaster for at least a year. Feelings, in the end, don't matter as much as what's behind them. You were on a "isn't this great" high, and then a "oh my god isn't this shitty" and now it's "uhm..not sure." Which is just where you're supposed to be. xxooxx

Lori said...

I was going leave some thoughtful, sage advice and realized I have none. Real helpful, ain't I? I can just tell you what I did - stay busy, cultivate the friendships that you feel are worth it, and above all else - just try and enjoy the changes.

Mieke said...

No matter where you are there you are.

Listen, I'd rather be you than me right now. Moving to a new place is a hard adjustment to be sure - and perhaps you are projecting your own feelings about where you live on to your au pair, but at least those around you are fairly sane for them moment. Just breathe and take it day to day. That's what I am doin'